Contented Restlessness
Con-tent: Satisfied with things as they are.
Rest-less: Marked by a lack of quiet, repose, or rest.
Three words, three singular, tiny question words sit atop my "Prayer Request" page in my journal. What? Where? When?
I know that almost all of our lives from adolescence till death are spent trying to figure out answers to these kinds of questions. Where do I fit in? What is my purpose? But of late these three question words seemed a bit more focused than just you more general life-quests.
What does God want me to be doing in my vocation, in His church? Or what does He desire to do with and through and in my life? What does a life of surrender to Him really look like?
Where am I being called to do this unrevealed what? Is it right where I am? (Please don’t say it’s with pre-teens!) Or is it someplace else on the globe?
When? When will I have an answer? When will I know for certain that His voice is the one I’m hearing? When is the right time to do or not do anything?
For about two years I have been quite restless within as I ponder and explore these questions. But recently I decided to expend much less energy on trying to see very far over the horizon and just let His lamp light my path one step at a time. It has brought me to a place of what I call "contented restlessness." By nature I like to plan for a journey making sure I know exactly where I’m going and what turns or route changes need to be made in order to get to my destination.
Did you catch that? I just said "my destination." It’s quite a struggle at times to turn over the wheel and just go along for the ride to His destination for me. Even though I know I can trust His driving, there are times of uneasiness. But I’m learning to just roll down the window on the passenger side and be content to enjoy the scenery and fellowship along the way.
Thoughts from John 12:1-10
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2 comments:
It sounds like you are in exactly the right place! It is a bit uncomfortable to give up control and that is the whole point of surrender. An awesome man of God told me one time, "Never drive beyond your headlights." Sometimes we expect God to show us the whole picture when in fact he just wants us to sit back and trust Him. If we can serve Him now and be faithful with what He has already given us He will make our paths straight.
But boy, doesn't surrender go against every human instinct we have? I find it's not enough to just start the day praying "Lord, your will be done today." I've got to constantly filter every choice, every thought through that counter-culture, Christ-like mindset of surrender. Thanks for your encouragement.
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