Yesterday was a really good day. Yesterday was also a very tough day. I tend to be a very introspective person. These past few months my head has been quite the high traffic area. I have so many seemingly random things firing off between my ears. Yet somehow I sense they are interrelated. I just haven’t been able to fit all the pieces together to know what the big picture of my life looks like. Just a glance at the front of the box would help. I think I at least have most of the edges in place. Well, here goes.

The details of what’s printed on the first side of the cardboard doesn’t really matter all that much. It only helps us understand the extent of God’s grace and how far He’ll go in order to write on the other side of our cardboard. And as a matter of perspective, side A is just a blip compared to eternity spent experiencing the reality of side B. So can we please spend more time celebrating everybody’s side B rather than needing to see some one’s side A to somehow make us feel like our side A is less bad?

To what extent will God go to get my attention? Will I or others I love suffer because that was the only way God could get through to me? I hear stories on know people who go through terrible, tragic events. But it is through those events they refocus their heart on God. I’d like to think my reaction to losing my spouse or a child, or of having a disease would be to still sing ‘Blessed Be the Name” with the same gusto I do now. But those words are so easy to thoughtlessly sing when He seems to be in the “give” mode. Will I be just as convicted to sing of His blessings when “take away” is the status?

Okay, here’s a big one. At first I thought I shouldn’t put this here online. But then I realized, I only get like one hit a week so who’s gonna know anyway. The sin I struggle with most, the thing that rules over me and that I hate most about myself is pride. I don’t mean it in the sense that I think I’m better than others or that I look down on other people. And I don’t mean that I think it’s wrong when I know I’m doing some things well, like trying to raise good kids or having a good work ethic.

But so often I know I lock God or others out of the equation because I’m “smart enough” to figure things out on my own. Or I decide it’s just easier to depend only on myself because I’ve seen far too many people bearing the lifelong scars, mental and physical, from relying on the wrong person(s). And besides, I am dependable so you can rely on me without ever having to reciprocate because I don’t need to rely on you! I am also very good at rationalizing that God has gifted me with the brains so isn’t that close enough to relying on Him that it counts?

I really hate to stop here. But I’m out of time. I hope I can continue this soon. We may be getting close to a breakthrough.